Photo from Yulia Gapeenko on vecteezy.com
By Philippa Dobree-Carey, The Mamaholic
Teenagers are basically hormonal landmines with in-built AirPods.
One minute they’re charming and fun to hang out with, the next they’re stomping upstairs because you dared to ask if they’ve done their homework.
First comes the backtalk, then the mood swings, the sleeping‑until‑noon as if it’s a medical condition, and finally the humongous appetite that lets them inhale a family‑sized lasagne and still ask for a snack ten minutes later.
And then there’s the focus problem - or rather, the complete absence of one.
This isn’t your imagination. Their brain is genuinely under construction. The prefrontal cortex - the bit responsible for decision‑making, impulse control, and not saying something catastrophically stupid - won’t be fully formed until their mid‑twenties. Which explains why they can remember every detail of a TikTok reel, but somehow forget you asked them to take the bins out three times.
Add hormones, friendship fallouts, exam pressure, and the constant background hum of “everyone else is doing better than me,” and you’ve got a young person insisting they’re “fine” with all the conviction of someone who hasn’t slept properly in weeks.
So yes, they have issues focusing.
And no, it’s not because you haven’t reminded them enough.
What you can actually do
Therapy, medication, tutoring, and boundaries all work - if that is the right fit for you and your teenager.
But there’s also something small, inexpensive and surprisingly effective you can try to help with a teenager’s concentration, anxiety and general emotional turbulence: essential oils.
I know, I know. It sounds like something your yogi neighbour would suggest while handing you a crystal and discussing your aura or why you really should be vegan by now. But stay with me.
When I was writing From High School to Uni - my guide for students navigating the transition to university - essential oils kept popping up in conversations about creating calm study spaces, managing stress, and helping young adults calm themselves down when life gets a bit overwhelming. Not as miracle cures, but as tiny, practical things they could actually do for themselves.
And honestly, when the alternative is another round of “Why are you like this?” shouted through a bedroom door, you’ll try anything.
The scents that actually do something
Some essential oils smell like a spa, while others smell like someone tried to recreate a spa using whatever they found under the kitchen sink.
But there are some that genuinely help with mood, alertness, or sleep - all things teenagers desperately need.
These are the ones worth having around:
Disclaimer: None of these will turn your teenager into a calm, organised model of polite human behaviour, but they can take the edge off the chaos, which is often all you need.
How to use them without becoming “that parent”
Teenagers can smell parental interference from two flights of stairs. It is important to be subtle.
Putting a diffuser in their bedroom or study space is the least confrontational option. They don’t have to know you’ve aromatherapied their homework session.
Alternatively, a few drops on a tissue or cotton pad near their desk works too.
If you’re feeling really fancy, mix with a carrier oil and make a pulse‑point roller - but that then implies buy-in on their part, which kinda undermines the subtlety part.
- Peppermint and rosemary are the best homework allies.
- Lavender is not for focus, but helps promote sleepiness to combat the late‑night doom‑scrolling.
- Lemon and grapefruit are for mornings when they emerge from their room looking like a rock star from the 80s.
The goal isn’t to create an in-house spa vibe. It’s to create an environment where their nervous system isn’t constantly in fight‑or‑flight mode.
Will this stop the backchat?
Probably not. Backchat is developmental and you’re just going to have to ride it out.
It’s their way of practising independence and testing boundaries, not to mention reminding you that you are, in fact, really uncool.
But if they sleep better, stress less, and get through a stretch of the day without spiralling into tears or theatrics, that’s a win. Teenagers need a bit of quiet scaffolding that keeps them upright while their brain slowly catches up with the rest of them.
And you need a household that doesn’t feel like you’re negotiating with a sleep‑deprived dictator who hasn’t eaten a vegetable in months.
Author bio
Philippa Dobree-Carey Philippa Dobree‑Carey is a writer, award‑winning author, and safeguarding specialist who shares parenting tips, midlife meltdowns, and the mental load with sharp humour and practical clarity. She is the creator of The Mamaholic Monthly on Substack and the author of two guides: From High School to Uni and The Essential Job Search Guide for Students. Her work supports families through major life transitions with honesty, structure, and wit. Find her on Instagram @themamaholic.
